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Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm Gagging Times Eight

It's pretty hard to trigger the collective gag reflex of the entire United States but somehow octo-mom Nadya Suleman has done it! In a country where double-stuffed food-eaters, high-fructose corn syrup-drinkers and Ann Coulter booker-readers can waddle to their Hummers and drive eight blocks to a Walmart to buy some censored CDs and semiautomatic weapons -- we can finally all mutually draw the line at a human brood mare who is so selfish and grotesque that she gave birth to a litter of children when she already had a herd t home she cant pay for.

Let's not kid ourselves, there's plenty of blame to go around. How many times must you undergo fertility treatments to have seven successful pregnancies? If the national average of success is about 20% then wouldn't logic say she had undergone fertility treatments approximately 100 times? At an average cost of 10-15,000 dollars a pop, that 's a pretty expensive habit. My guess is that she was probably compensated for each treatment so the fertility doctor could practice his "non-traditional" methods and up his baby batting average. Even guinea pigs only have an average three to four babies at a time. They also occasionally eat them, which in my opinion, is better parenting than Nadya Suleman seems capable.

Humans aren't guinea pigs. Our babies aren't born able to latch on, run away or swim off to life alone right after we are born. Human babies need 18 YEARS of nurturing and socialization in order to survive in society. Human infants need to be taught how to walk, talk, empathize and operate a cell phone while driving. WIth 14 children that means that Nadya Suleman has about 45 minutes a day to feed, change and clean each child. That's not really enough time to teach a child any real core values -- like no matter what the most important thing is lip implants and hiring a publicist.