Rick Santorum Defends Sweaty Men in Tights

Does it strike you as peculiar that Rick Santorum has such a hard-on for talking about homosexuality? Just my opinion of course, but I just find it hard to believe that anyone who is that preoccupied with anuses (and the men who love them) doesn't have some sort of complex. In early childhood development we would call it the "anal stage." In the adult phase, I think it smacks a great deal more of repressed homosexuality. But you make up your own mind.

Howver, once upon a time, our aspiring theocrat and wannabe "Pope of Your Pants" gleefully advocated and profited from -- the business of watching sweaty, well-built men rolling around on the floor in tights. That's right. Rick Santorum once proudly defended the rights of two, pumped-up, greased males to grope each other's biceps and pectorals -- and the rights of one man to press his tight gluts against another man's thrusting, turgid groin.

For the record, when Rick Santorum was practicing law (with his elitist degree he got in Law school, the snob!) his biggest client was World Wrestling Entertainment -- a.k.a. the World Wrestling Federation. While representing the WWF, Santorum worked tirelessly to shield the WWF from federal regulations banning the use of steroids in sports. But that crafty Santorum, lobbied hard to circumvent these laws by arguing that since wrestling was not a "sport" the steroid rules should not apply. Plus, without steroids -- where would we go to ogle massive chests and strong, manly thighs? GAY PORN?

So whether it's lobbying hard against the rights of two men rolling around on a bed -- or lobbying hard for the rights of two men rolling around on a mat -- it does seem that Santorum is always "lobbying hard" for something to do with men rolling around together.

But like I said earlier, you make up your own mind.

Lynn Forester De Rothschild's Hermes Birkin Is Fake (Just Like Her)

Lynn Forester De Rothschild -- the Facial Merkin wonders if you know that name? I didn't think so. First of all -- she's a Lady. Andy by "lady" I don't mean in the "I have a vagina, ergo I should be Vice President" sort of way -- but more in the "I married some titled, foreign rich dude so now you can suck it" sort of way.

Next, you should know she was one of Hilary Clinton's biggest fundraisers. She wrangled her rich cronies into coughing up over $100,000 to support Mrs. Clinton's run for the White House. But now...? She supports John McCain. Why, you ask? Did she have a labatomy? No... It's because she thinks Barack Obama is (wait you'll love it!) an.... ELITIST!

That's right. Mrs De Rothschild... Oh...?! Pardon moi! I meant to say Lady De Rothschild is just one of us folks. Didn't I see her lingering over the half-price tube socks bin at Walmart just this morning? She's all about simple values like: royal titles, owning banks, telecommunications companies and diamonds bigger than your head. Shucks...

Because when it comes to government, here's what I want -- AVERAGE. Just average for me. I wouldn't want anyone spectacular or well-educated running this popsicle stand we call a country. None of those Harvard schmucks need apply. I want me someone who graduated at the bottom of their class. Better yet, I want someone with a trade school education. How 'bout a beauty school dropout?

What Lady De Rothschild's real problem is (besides a face like a wolverine's scrotum) is that she didn't get her way. She doesn't really give a crap about who gets elected -- only that she feels like she has some say in the matter. So she took her gold-plated toys and ran home.

Let me be crystal clear on one matter and I'll make sure the crystal is Baccarat so you can stand to touch it -- you are NOT "one of us." You are an arrogant child who needs to misuse her perceived power by appearing on CNN to try to undermine the candidate of the party you claim to support because it will affect your tax bracket favorably.

Here's a suggestion, why don't you shove your botoxed face back up your leathery, old ass. If we want to hear from you we'll give you a small kick and you can rattle your jewelry.